You might be a redneck aviator if:

        ...Your stall warning plays Dixie.
        ...Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
        ...You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
        ...You've ever used moonshine as AvGas.
        ...You have mud flaps on your plane's wheel pants.
        ...Your toothpick keeps poking your microphone.
        ...You've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.
        ...You wouldn't be caught in a Grumman Yankee.
        ...You use a Purina feed sack as a windsock.
        ...The side of your plane has a sign advertising your stump grinding service.
        ...You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
        ...You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.
        ...You refer to formation flying as "We got us a convoy".
        ...Your matched set of luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
        ...You've ever fueled your plane from a Mason jar.
        ...You've got a gun rack on the passenger window.
        ...You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
        ...Your preflight includes removing all clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
        ...You figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.
        ...You siphon gas from a tractor to put in your plane.
        ...You've never actually landed at a real airport, even though you've been flying from one for             years.
        ...There are parts on your aircraft labeled John Deere.
        ...You've never actually seen a sectional chart, but have all the Texaco road maps for your flying             area.
        ...You have a black airplane with a big number "3" on the side.
        ...There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
        ...You have to buzz the strip before landing to chase of the sheep and goats.
        ...You use your parachute to cover your aircraft.
        ...Some of your favorite nav aids have things like "Class of 96" painted on them.
        ...The tread pattern, if any, on your tires doesn't match.
        ...You have fuzzy dice hanging from your magnetic compass.
        ...You put hay in the baggage compartment so the dogs won't get cold.
        ...Your flight instructor's day job is at WalMart.
        ...You've got matching bumper stickers on your vertical fin.
        ...There are grass stains on your propellor tips.
        ...There is a brown stained styrofoam cup strategically placed in your glove box.
        ...The FAA still thinks you live at your parent's house.
        ...You think Zulu is an African time zone.
        ...Your hangar collapses and more than four dogs are injured.
        ...You navigate with your ADF tuned to country/western radio stations.
        ...When you go into the airport coffee shop they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of
           the menu.
        ...You think an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
        ...Just before the crash everybody at the airport heard you say, "Hey ya'll, watch this!"

This page last modified on 02/24/01